"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
George Burns

"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance."
United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
Homer Simpson

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
Winston Churchill

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."
Joan Rivers

"Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?"
Freddie Mercury on Billy Idol

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Globol

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